LITTLE BLACK BOOK
Rinn has really taken to reading. I wish I could take credit for this but in the short year that we took on homeschooling there wasn’t a time that I asked him to read that didn’t end in tears and throwing himself onto the floor like he was just instructed to stop, drop and roll. It was his first grade teacher and whatever magic that those special souls who deem it their calling to teach small people possess. Worried that reading would take a less important role now that school is out, I enrolled him in the local library’s summer reading program. There’s a sticker chart, prizes for reaching timed goals and frequent workshops that include LEGO robotics teams. Again, more special souls at work. How could a kid say no?
Rinn first pick: “Guardians of the Galazy, Rocket and Groot Keep on Truckin’”.
I tried suggesting alternative titles but “Dory Fantasmagory” doesn’t stand a chance against the Avengers. I prepared myself to feign interest in a talking raccoon carrying on a conversation with a tape dispenser but I was genuinely overtaken with enthusiasm as Rinn plowed through words like “interrupting”, “captain”, and “milliseconds.” Like wow.
Then, just as I’m about to schedule an IQ test because I might have birthed a genius, he reads the following:
“I’m sorry, your [CUNT] list has no entry for a captain slog.”
I had an audible reaction and quickly corrected him: “CONTACT list. That says CONTACT.”
Of course he went on to mispronounce “contact” for “cunt” three more times while Travis laughed hysterically from underneath our comforter and I imagined an inevitable situation in which we’re called to the principal's office in September.
KIDS SAY THE SCARIEST THINGS
Rinn has always watched a lot of NatGeo and will typically choose Alaska’s Last Frontier or Planet Earth over most everything on the Disney Channel. As such, we hear a lot about eagle talons and the goliath tigerfish. I err on the tomboy side so having a son has had it’s perks but talking about a giant Congo river fish that purposefully attacks humans with its razor-sharp teeth isn’t really my jam. Either way we weren’t exactly surprised to find out that his most recent career plans include becoming a “snake wrangler” so that he can “milk them for their venom”.
He seems to be taking my “you can be anything you want to be” to the extreme.
I’m hoping it’s all of this intense, unnerving nature and survival stuff that made him inform innocent friends of ours who came to visit our horses that our horse Atlas “could easily feed 600 hungry people.”
That or he’s innately savage and we’re going to spend the rest of our lives sleeping with one eye open.
Rinn is social to say the least. If you’ve ever met him and he hasn’t trapped you in a lengthy conversation about the aerodynamics of paper airplanes then you caught him on an off day and you just saved yourself roughly 42 minutes.
The people at the pool last Saturday weren’t so lucky. There was a group of older women, bus drivers from Fort Wayne, Indiana who take a yearly vacation together when school lets out and three unsuspecting 20-something boys/men in town for Carolina Country Fest. In my professional opinion, both groups had a wild Friday night. Hangovers do not discriminate.
Rinn wasted no time in recruiting the three dudes in constructing a lizard trap using a sand bucket, a pool noodle and some sticks. The dudes labored away while the ladies shouted various instructions while laying back and enjoying the show. Everyone made a point of expressing to me how well behaved Rinn is and what a “wonderful boy” I have.
Well look at that, I did something right.
Fast forward 24 hours when we are all lounging in the living room discussing our favorite parts of Avengers Endgame when there was a knock on our patio door. Yes I said our PATIO DOOR. This has happened once before. Our patio faces the pool and a visiting family got confused as to what condo they were staying in and trying coming into our place. Once we realized we weren't being burgled it was all rather comical.
I assumed it was another confused vacationer but was greeted by one of the bus drivers holding a plastic net with a shark handle when I finally got to the door. She asked if Rinn was home and I responded with a sincere look of concern on my face. An older woman who is essentially a stranger knocked on our back door holding a big net to find out if my seven-year-old son was home. Really a concerned look was the least of my possible reactions.
BUS DRIVER: We were out shopping yesterday and bought him this net so he has an easier time catching lizards!
Ok, so maybe there are some good people left on this Earth.
A few to be exact.
Rinn and a group of lady bus drivers in Indiana.