Captain America and ...

I never put a lot of effort into Halloween before Rinn came along.

I always found Halloween to be a bit like New Years Eve. The hype leading up to the big night was usually blown so out of proportion that regardless of whatever event you took part in, you found yourself mildly disappointed. I usually skipped it or gave it minimal attention.

I can remember only one year that I put a significant amount of effort into my costume and actually attended a real Halloween party. Also my idea of significant effort was substantially less than most because I simply dressed myself up as a culturally appropriated french person. I had bought a beret earlier that year but never had the balls to wear it without also running around inebriated yelling “bonjour” at everyone. Other years I was Sandy from Grease (hello, blonde curly hair and a leather jacket, I could look like her on a Tuesday) or some form of “Fashion Fever Barbie.” Which is what I called it when I wore the most ridiculous cocktail dress already in my closet and a blonde ponytail. Like I said, zero effort.

Then Rinn came along and I started to take the whole affair a little more seriously and it usually culminated in an annual photo shoot.

We all remember LAST YEAR right?


Or the times I handmade all or parts of his costume. A jet pack for his astronaut outfit. A full body dinosaur out of cardboard and duct tape. And let’s not forget the dozens of pumpkins I’ve hand-painted over the years.

Well, 2019 was no different. Although we passed on the pumpkin painting this year because we live at the end of a dead end street and are at least a football field away from our nearest neighbors so there would be no one to enjoy my artistic endeavors. I convinced Rinn that if we skipped the overpriced pumpkin farm we might have some room in the budget for a costume for me. Selfish, selfish mom.

But he was pumped, especially after I told him my idea.

I knew I was going into this more plump than usual (19 weeks plump to be exact) so I hit up my favorite resource for all things creative and crafty, Pinterest. I found some great options; “a guard and a handmaid” from A Handmaid’s Tale (but the premise of that show is that their children are taken away at childbirth and the thought of that right now makes me nauseous), “James and the Giant Peach” (but that would require painting and exposing my whole stomach which seemed like a lot of work, also I’m not all that big right now and look more like I ate a Chipotle burrito for lunch than I do pregnant) and my personal favorite, “redneck with a beer belly” but if I was going to look ridiculous and borderline obscene I could make better use of a beer can.


(Which, if you haven’t seen Avengers: End Game, will kind of look like The Big Lewbowski so I’ve provided some screenshots of the movie for a reference.)

In case Avengers aren’t your speed but you’re still looking for a pregnant halloween costume I’ve compiled my top 15 favorites on Pinterest, but you’re crazy to think any of those are as comfortable as wearing men’s pajama pants and Crocs. Just saying.

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