IDIOMS ARE HARD
Rinn is rather articulate for a 6-year-old. Sometimes he will confuse “distinct” with “extinct” and he still pronounces “nocturnal” as “noc-turtle” but on more than one occasion his vocabulary has caught me by surprise. Like the time I was explaining to his babysitter that he will more than likely try to talk his way out of having to wear pajamas to bed and he said “yeah, I will definitely try to coerce you out of that.” Coerce? I’m not so sure that some of the adults I know could successfully use coerce in a sentence, but okay.
Recently however I caught Rinn by surprise; I may or may not have shot him with his own Nerf gun when he was least expecting it. See, being a parent can be fun.
He hollered at me: MOM! YOU SCARED ME OUT OF THE DAYLIGHT!
Idioms are hard. I wanted to make a vampire reference in jest but he’s also struggling with irony and sarcasm.
Parents around the world would agree, hugs from your child(ren) (the fur kind included) have healing powers. This being said, they aren’t always super eager to stop what they’re doing and help a mom in need of a fix, especially if you ask to be hugged while they’re in the middle of a nerf battle between a tyrannosaurus and an indoraptor. I made this mistake recently and as I tried to to give Rinn a hug he shoved me aside as he ran to his room.
Pitiful and heartbroken, I said: Rinn, I just want a hug.
Rinn: Well I need to get my gun so I can protect you.
Me: I just need a hug, I don’t really think I need protecting right now.
Rinn: Yes you do, you’re my mother and I love you with all my heart.
I laughed and awed simultaneously but wonder, is this considered an “act of service” or does Gary Chapman need to consider a sixth love language.
CHICKS: A HOMONYM
Rinn takes a lot of pride in his appearance. Sure, he sometimes leans towards monochromatic fashion but that’s because he thinks four different shades of green is stylish. His hair is a different story, he won’t leave the house unless it’s fixed or he’s wearing a hat and will follow me around the house most mornings armed with a bottle of hairspray saying “Mom” at various volumes.
Last week Rinn and my mom were leaving to visit his father in Wisconsin and Travis and I were heading to Texas for gigs and what we affectionately call our annual honeymoon. In a wonderful twist of events we were all aboard the same flight to Charlotte where we would then part ways. Turns out we had to get out of the house first, which always resembles the chaotic scene from Home Alone where they all wake up late and everyone is running around half dressed and no one knows where anything is. Rinn would never get left behind however, remember the hairspray scene I just described?
With floss in my teeth and probably wearing one shoe, I start spraying his hair.
Rinn: My hair looks terrible.
Me: What, are you planning on picking up chicks at the airport?
Rinn: Yeah, I might be expecting a chicken delivery there for our farm.
Add slang to the growing list of languages to learn.
In his pajamas playing Uno and his hair is still done.