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A Letter to Santa

Updated: Nov 9, 2019


Dismal elation.

Forlorn glee.

Despondent delight.

These are just a few of the conflicted emotions I now associate with any parent who practices the newest of holiday traditions: The Elf on the Shelf.

You ask: “Do you do Elf of the Shelf?” And they respond with a resounding “of course we do” and some combination of holding back tears, rubbing their temples, and rolling their eyes. But there’s always a hint of happiness in this statement because in reality, we all know that the simple act of moving that obnoxious red elf in the middle of the night brings about so much joy. That damn elf only intensifies the magic of Christmas for our children and who doesn’t want that?

Unless you forget to move the damn thing, then joy and happiness is replaced by chaos and crying. Do yourself a favor. Set a reminder. Move the elf.

Anyway, The Elf on the Shelf now has accessories. A pet reindeer, a superhero cape, a flight suit that resembles a fighter pilot’s bomber jacket. I’ve even seen an Elf on the Shelf tool kit specifically designed for parents who want to torture themselves keeping up with the moms who post on pinterest by erecting elaborate scenes in which their elf is hang gliding, taking a bubble bath in a tub full of miniature marshmallows, or has raised a toy army whose intents appear ominous.

Hard pass.

Elvis McTinsel-Pants does nothing of the sort. He’s pretty chill as far as elves go. He’ll go from the fireplace mantel to the chandelier to nesting in the wreath on the door but we’re on the same page when it comes to any type of adventure or making an unnecessary mess. No thank you.

The one thing I did invest in this year was the “Scout Elf Express Delivers Letters to Santa” for $19.90.


In years past I have utilized the USPS “Letters from Santa” program in which you send your child’s letter and a letter from you posing as Santa in a self addressed stamped envelope to the “Northpole Postmaster” (who apparently lives in Anchorage, Alaska.) It’s a wonderful thing if your budget is more on par with a postage stamp or you don’t have an oven.

I wandered past this stationary kit at a speciality store and was intrigued. Admittedly I just wanted Rinn’s letter to Santa to be written on fancy stationery but this kit had more to offer.

Instructions are as simple as:

read the book,

write a letter to Santa on the special paper,

shrink your letter using Mrs. Claus’ Magic Press,

and send your miniature letter with your Scout Elf “straight to Santa at the North Pole.”

Boom. I don’t even have to put on clean sweatpants or leave the house.

Also, you can have your Scout Elf bring your miniature letter back, to be cherished and displayed as an ornament on your Christmas tree! How precious. Also, it’s one less paper keepsake I need to file away in Rinn’s memories chest. Which is inconveniently 600+ miles away in Arkansas.

No pants. No filing. No sweat.

I arranged for Elvis the elf to bring Rinn the stationary kit on one of his first nights back and we spent the following morning drafting his letter to Santa, popping it in the oven for 4 minutes and then standing around in admiration of how well the whole process worked.

Imagine that, a product that does exactly as it says it will. Color me impressed.

I put this in my checkbook as $20 well spent.










This blog post contains affiliate links. I might be rewarded credit or a commission of the sale. Of course I would only recommend things that I personally use and love

(or at the very least find comical.)


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