Well, I told you major life changes were in the works. Unless of course you don’t consider moving halfway across the country and getting married in a quasi-covert ceremony on the beach to a man you’ve dated for less time than the shelf life of some dairy products to be major life changes. If that’s the case, you’re life is much more interesting than anything I am about to or will ever write about so I’m not even sure why you’re here.
It’s whatever, I’m not jealous of you or anything. Really.
Moving on, I have spent the last five years of my life proclaiming, sometimes actually shouting, “I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN”. Like ever. I would preach about modern day unions and how two people can easily maintain a loving and faithful union without paying a county clerk $75 to do so. I would lecture on how traditional marriage was an ancient institution designed to forge economic and familial liaisons and I was too evolved for such nonsense. If anything, I should’ve been lecturing on the consequences of using the word “never” too frequently; either you are consistently forced to put your foot in your mouth like I’m doing now or you might risk actually adhering to those obnoxious restrictions you’ve put on yourself and find yourself living a very limited life. Boo to that.
With that being said, leaping before looking is tricky business. I could’ve made a career of it before Rinn entered this world. You could end up falling in love and exchanging “I do’s” with a man who pulls off a jumpsuit better than you can but you could just as easily decide that throwing yourself from a moving vehicle in response to your high school boyfriend refusing to share his Dairy Queen cheeseburger with you is a good idea. All hypothetical of course, everyone knows I can wear a mean jumpsuit.
Unfortunately for you all, no one was physically injured in this case and if I’m being honest, saying “yes” wasn’t that big of a risk. It’s quite simply a case of “when you know, you know.” Go ahead, roll your eyes. Audibly scoff. Point your finger and laugh if you must but I think I presented a valid case for this concept in my vows:
The idea of love have always been difficult for me: I never knew the power of unconditional love until I met Rinn, I can barely say the word boyfriend without choking and I usually scoff at the people who believe in such sorcery as the idea of “when you know, you know.” Now I stand here marrying a man who has opened my eyes, and my heart, to a love I’ve never even dreamed of and without a doubt, I know.
I know because your love, kindness and compassion makes me laugh, smile and dream more than I ever have.
I know because you make me feel free and at home at the same time; you stir my soul while bringing my mind peace.
I know because after we staged a faux engagement as part of a prank I took entirely too much pleasure in calling you my fiance.
I know because while I can never decide on a restaurant or what I want to be when I grow up, I chose you without question.
Mostly I know though because you think I’m amazing with such conviction that I’ve started to think that maybe I am.
So essentially, I know. I know you’re my always. I know you’re my forever.
So I vow myself to you. To our dreams. To our future.
Still not convinced?
You can then find comfort in the fact that I prayed about it; simply asking for a sign, some guidance, a little indication that I was either on the right path or that I should stop immediately and run quickly in the opposite direction. The following day Rinn and I finally got around to reading an Elf on the Shelf book we bought four years ago but never used because Pinterest has made the idea much too daunting. How can I compete with elves who zipline while roasting handcrafted marshmallows under a crepe paper Christmas tree? That is too much pressure for one person. As it turns out, I managed to name that damn Elf before choosing to ignore his existence for almost five years…”Elvis.”
And for those non-believers, I once prayed about whether or not I should move to Arkansas/Missouri and woke the next morning to learn that the head coach of Wisconsin Badgers Football was leaving to coach the Razorbacks and I think that turned out alright. For us at least. I don’t think things went as well for Brett Bielema.