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Schools out for summer


I like to consider myself an avid reader. In seventh grade my English teacher assigned me two or three books to everyone else’s one in an effort to thwart off boredom. Oddly enough I was completely capable of keeping myself entertained but apparently tap dancing under your desk is considered a distraction for other students. I probably don’t have to say this but sitting still and being quiet was never my strong suit, and if you need proof, take a look at any report card from kindergarten through my senior year of high school. Each one of them, in some manner or another tells of how my inability to stop talking overshadowed how bright I was. Whatever, I now make a living being loud and moving around excessively, so (insert middle finger emoji) them.

Upon receiving Rinn’s assessment from three-year-old preschool I realized that my apple didn’t fall far from my tree. On a scale of “(M)ost of the time” to “(N)eeds work” he got straight M’s in every category except for a single glaring “(S)ome of the time” for “Sits quietly during circle time.” Getting him to stay in his seat long enough to eat lunch is a struggle so I can’t say that I was surprised by this less than satisfactory grade but some of us weren’t built to be educated while in the seated position. As someone who just spent sixteen weeks in a perpetual state of restlessness while trying to absorb hours of information regarding health education and biology I can appreciate his frustration.

It would appear that I have slightly decent grasp on adulthood and it’s premise of “doing things you don’t want to do but have to” because while I constantly had to fight the urge to get up in the middle of those lectures and go all Guillermo Diaz in Half Baked with a solid “f*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you, you’re cool, f*ck you, I’m out”, I didn’t. I sat in agony and made a mental list of all the things I would rather be doing than pretending to be enlightened by lessons I learned my freshman year of high school; like get a brazilian wax by an angry Ukrainian woman, eat a tub of mayonnaise while reading the Twilight series or be forced to wear real pants, or even worse, jeans everyday for the rest of eternity. The one revelation I have had in returning to college is that my level of annoyance is directly correlated to my grades so you can imagine my mental state after two 4.0 semesters. Yeah yeah, that pat on the back is nice but a valium would be even better.

Told him that he won't have to "sit quietly during circle time" again until August. I had a similar reaction when I successfully registered for all online classes come Fall. Here's to "going to school" on my couch in no pants.



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