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Tui: the eunuch


It’s no secret that Rinn wasn’t exactly planned; I was in such a state of disbelief that I felt the need to pee on exactly seven pregnancy tests. How I even managed to produce enough urine for the last four I’ll never know. One unexpected pregnancy is plenty and I’m not ready for grandparenthood so I made the decision to have Tui neutered. That and everyone told me castration would make him less of a lunatic, so I phoned his vet and scheduled an appointment.

It was when he came home looking a little butchered and donning one of those ridiculously embarrassing cones that Rinn elected himself mayor of telling me when Tui was trying to chew on his butt and started in on a fun game of 20 questions.

“TUI IS BITING HIS BUTT!”

“Do I have to wear that thing if I get an owie on my butt?”

“Why does Tui have an owie?”

It was with that last question that Rinn got his first misguided lesson in sex ed. In a more eloquent manner I told him that Tui had surgery so that he wouldn’t run rampant around the neighborhood making illegitimate babies. The following conversation ensued:

RINN: “I was a baby.”

ME: “You sure were.”

R: “I was a baby in your belly.”

ME: “That’s correct.”

R: “If I was a baby in your belly, how did they get me out of your mouth?”

ME: “You didn’t come out of my mouth, you came out of my butt.”

Could have concocted some mystical stork tale, but no, I’m the mom who lets her 4-year-old believe that girls poop out babies. Really looking forward to that bona fide talk about the birds and the bees; probably end with some type of therapy and medication.

Tui proudly displaying his man bits in the days before I turned him into a eunuch.



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