It dawned on me, that in a previous post, I casually mentioned that I frequently give sponge baths to a pony; which I now realize sounds a bit off and lots of you are thinking that I need to seriously consider medication. Which brings me to how I’ve been bringing home the bacon these days (and not literally, because I totally could considering part of my paycheck is earned while cheering on racing piglets.)
The short answer: I’m an equestrian performer.
In truth, I ride a horse while wearing a variety of satin and spandex and do an excessive amount of running in sand. I also have the esteemed job of being flown thru the air by my butt in a harness made of seatbelts. It’s bizarre but the people dig it; and why would I opt for a pushing papers in a pencil skirt when I can barrel race in sequin-covered chaps?
Most days I’m some kind of hero to Rinn but there are others where I am one spur out the door and he starts making his usual, but absurd, demands about going with me so he can “ride my horse and see [me] in [my] horse show.” One of two things happen: a skirmish ensues or I pretend I can’t hear him by muttering a series of “what?”’’s and pull the door closed behind me. It’s an exercise in pick-and-choose-your-battles, I choose to feign temporary hearing loss sometimes and save my energy for when he’s pretending to be a dog at the dinner table.
In either of those instances I’m left rather tickled. Rinn is 4 and as such, is still in the process of mastering the English language. His “L”s are pronounced as “Y”s and uses the wrong tense in an attempt to express his anger and says “I’m so frustrating.” (Yes, Rinn, yes you are.) Enunciating the “S” in horse has also proved to be problematic. Think about it....
“I want to ride your hore and see you in your hore show.”
“My mom is in a hore show.”
“Can I pet your hore?”
I still can’t decide if it’s better or worse than when he shouted “Look, mom it’s THE BITCH” in a crowded Wal-Mart during holiday season while gesturing towards a “THE GRINCH Who Stole Christmas” display. That was equal parts shocking and embarrassing but the "S" fail leads me to shout "THE CHAPS I WEAR ARE NOT ASSLESS" at innocent bystanders.