The Great Mitten Caper

Like most people, I have a travel coffee mug. Unlike most people, mine has been repurposed as a travel booze cup. Sure I’ve put coffee in it on occasion but mostly it’s used to bring mixers into unsuspecting places like: homecoming football games, the movie theatre and on celebratory occasions, work. In a past life I would just use water bottles but that came to an abrupt halt when I mistook a spiked bottle for run-of-the-mill H2O and guzzled vodka water on my way into work one morning. Nothing quite like getting the dry heaves for twenty minutes to convince you to spend a few extra bucks on a more distinguishable cup.

Not surprisingly, my cup and I have had very few outings together since my son has come into the picture. Mostly because I no longer go anywhere and a little because people would probably frown upon me caring for my child in a constant state of intoxication. People can be so weird.

So when it came time to take Rinn to the pumpkin farm, the travel mug stayed behind. And it’s a good thing too because carting around pumpkins after consuming a hot tottie can be a little challenging; speaking from experience of course. Not to mention that I ended up having to fight off a goat who snatched Rinn’s brand new mitten thru the fence and tried to eat it. I am not above kicking some farm animal ass if they come between me and clothes but should I have been forced to choose between holding onto my cup or chasing down that mitten, I can promise you that I would’ve been ordering a new pair when we got home all the while secretly hoping that goat choked on the stolen goods and got what he deserved.

Weeks later and with this memory freshly emblazoned on my brain but knowing that the chances of us encountering a thieving beast while trick or treating were slim to none; I filled my cup with wine for the occasion, to the brim. And to hell with it, if we do stumble across the path some bat shit crazy wombat whose sole purpose in life is to eat my hat, well he can have it. Hats aren’t a good look on me anyway.

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