No, You STFU

The news is depressing. But I refuse to live a world and not have a clue as to what’s going on outside my front door, that’s just irresponsible. So I watch a watered down version, read: Good Morning America. I mostly watch it for the “deals and steals” segment and Josh Elliot and his adorable grin but occasionally I learn things. Like the fact that Julie Bowen has an uncomfortable crush on Stephen Colbert, she’s aware he’s a persona, yes?

Anyway, GMA recently informed me of the riotously funny and extremely controversial blog: STFU,Parents. For those of you who aren’t fluent in leetspeak, STFU loosely translates to “shut the fuck up,” ok so it literally translates to shut the fuck up but that’s no matter. STFU, Parents is an internet platform for an annoyed 30-something year old by the name of Blair Koenig, to ridicule parents who overshare in the realm of social media (aptly called “over-sharenting.”) From what I gather, blog readers can submit examples of oversharenting they find via their newsfeed (i.e. status updates about bowel movements, moms who refer to their babies butthole as a “chocolate starfish,” minute-by-minute labor details, etc.) and Blair than provides hilarious commentary. I’m guessing she might have something to say about the little write-up detailing my first encounter with a baby boner.

The flack that this blog has caught is extraordinary; headlines read “Snarky Blogger Targets Proud Parents” and “Meet the (childless) woman behind vicious baby blog that has the mommy set up in arms” and up in arms is right, some mommies are trying to pursue legal action. Unfortunately for them, they are idiots. Ms. Koenig did not break into their home to steal top-secret photos of your children or force you at gunpoint to post a status about your pregnancy pains. You elected to publish your word vomit in a social network, deal with it. As a self-proclaimed mommy-blogger I think people expect me to defend mothers the world over against such cruelty but quite simply, I don’t give a shit.

While I’ve never uploaded pictures of my son’s excrement, and my tweets are usually about how much I hate my hair, I’m still guilty of over-sharenting. See: my blog, duh. I’m sure there a few people out there that would rather remove their own eyeballs with a melon baller than see another picture of my baby but that’s a two-way street asshole. Do you really think I am interested in the fact that you plucked your nose hairs, wrapped your nephew’s birthday gift and are now updating your Facebook status from the toilet? Absolutely not. And the gym check-ins, come on. You guys do realize that you can run on a treadmill and not advertise it to the world, yes?

My conclusion: your updates, photos, check-ins, tweets, etc. are always being judged and ridiculed, mine included (probably more than others) whether it’s from the privacy of someone’s home as they roll their eyes at your burning narcissism or in a very public and humiliating way. Ms. Koenig chose the latter and to her I say, “ku-fucking-dos.”

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